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Hello everybody, my name is Louis Lee. Thank you for inviting me
here today and also thanks all of for your patience in listening
to my true story.
A question to the audience
I would like to ask all of you one question. Do I look like
a person with mental health illness? If you think I do
not, please raise
up your hands. Thank you! Thank you for giving me such a good
answer, but I am absolutely 100% a mental health illness
patient. I really
don’t look like one, do I?
Sharing my Recovery Journey
Today, I would like to cover the following information in my
story- my migration process, my experience in the treatment
process and
my journey towards a Helper to other consumers.
Before I start
telling you about my past, if there’s
anything I say that may disturb you, please forgive me.
Migration
experience ’91-‘94
I migrated to NZ in the early 1991’s from Hong Kong,
with my husband and young daughter, to start a new life here.
We initially
lived with my husband’s parents. It was a difficult
time for all of us as new immigrants, trying to adjust to
this new country
with language and cultural barriers. I can still remember
when my family and I just arrived in NZ, I was so scared
and confused
that my mood was not that stable and I cried a lot. At that
time, my daughter was really young, my husband was so busy
since he had
to organize everything. Also, I could not get along with
my husband’s
parents. I tried to hide all of the problems deep inside
my heart, but gradually, I finally got sick. Fortunately,
the
Health services
in New Zealand are very good. I recalled the first time after
I attempted suicide, I was sent to the emergency room, at
that time
I was in coma, so they sent me to the intensive care unit
for further observations, when I woke up from the coma, I
did not
know what
was going on, the hospital staff used simple English to explain
to me what had happened, they were very patient and tried
to understand what I need, that made me feel very secured
and
calm in the hospital.
Although we got language and cultural differences, the hospital
staff still tried their best to look after me.
Migration
experience ’94
to ‘02
Under such circumstances, my marriage began to break down,
so around 1994, I separated from my husband. We tried to
reunite in 1996
but the marriage remained very unstable. Since 1996, I’ve
got Depression. Since then I need to see a specialist.
The
Psychiatrist put me on long term medications and also referred
me to see a counsellor.
My health was also not good. I had pains throughout my body
especially in my abdomen and I needed to undertake a major
surgery. During
this time my husband began to have affairs with other women.
My depression got worse. I began to isolate myself, I was
afraid to
see people. I kept myself at home, not going anywhere. I
locked myself away from being seen by others. I couldn’t
sleep and I found it hard to get up in the morning, I would
lay in
bed for
a long time, feeling exhausted, was always tired, and my
body was heavy.
Being a Consumer
I couldn’t concentrate on anything, felt useless, lost
confidence in doing anything. I felt helpless and being trapped.
I didn’t realize I was
suffering from a mental illness at the time. When it became too hard
to bear I tried
to kill myself by drug overdose.
Over the last seven years, I had tried
to kill
myself eight times. The last time was in August 2002. I believed that
I had given too much trouble to my family, they worried about
me, wondering when
my next
suicide attempt would be! My family put a lot of love, care and support
into me during that time.
I have been admitted to hospital many
times and put on different types
of prescribed drugs by Dr Wong who used to see me every two weeks.
I also received
weekly
counseling. Looking back from now, I think that I had a long adjusting
period before Dr Wong
can find me the right medications. When I first started my medications,
I did not know which medications suited me best.
Since every person is
different,
I wa told that I had to try them out patiently. And every medication
had its
side
effects. Over the years, I have experienced side effects including
no sleep at night, dizziness, vomiting, diarrhea, no appetite,
shaking hands,
stomach
pains,
headache, and muscle pains. You name it, I have it. I really cannot
describe how painful I had gone through.
Also, because of the lack of knowledge
abut mental illness and shame, both my husband and my daughter did
not know how
to face my
depression, we couldn’t communicate with each other, and I felt
like no one understand me. Fortunately, through the help of the Specialist
and
the Counsellor,
I was able to solve my problems.
With the help of the medications, although
I could slowly adjust to the mental problems, my muscle pains, headache
and other body pains were
still there.
I tried to find help from Chinese doctors, through the use pressure
point massage
treatments to release my pain. After the treatment, I felt that I was
more relax, had a better appetite, slept better, had more energy and
I also
thought more
positively. As part of the natural healing process, I then wanted to
help more patients with depression, hoping that they can recover soon,
so that
they can
have a happy normal life again.
2002, the turning point
In 2002, Dr Sai Wong suggested that I do some voluntary work
to help others with mental health illness as part of my recovery
process. I was
very interested,
so I agreed to try meeting them. In the meeting, it was my experience
that, without
realsing that they had mental disorders, the way they talked and thought
looks like normal people. From then on, I promised myself that I want
to recover and
to be a normal person again.
To keep my promise, first, I decided to
change myself, I told myself that I needed to change my
lifestyle and do voluntary work.
I made
myself accept
that I have
a mental health illness and I need to have positive thinking.
This is
a joke I kept telling myself- People with diabetes can’t
eat sweet food. People with heart problems can’t do heavy exercises.
People with mental health disorder can eat anything they like, can
do any kind of exercises
they want to as well, comparing to them, people with mental disorders
seem. But are we?
Apart from having a new way of thinking, I
need to show people to do
the right things and help them not to be confused. The love and care
from the
family will
make people with mental health illness recover much faster.
With the
help of medication and counseling, I started to improve. My husband
returned to the family. Thanks to Dr Wong and my counsellor.
From
being a consumer to being a helper
Last year Dr Wong recommended that I participate in a self help group,
the “WRAP” group
(WRAP stands for “Wellness Recovery Action Plan”). This
group helped me so much. From there, I learnt how to do everyday
normal things again, like
washing myself, bushing my teeth, walking outside in the sunshine,
and getting exercise. This mental health group taught me how to recognize
the early warning
signs for depression, such as when I started feeling isolated. Now
I know how to take care of myself. I made friends with other patients
in the group. But
I wanted to do more, I wanted to reach out and help other people
like myself. Dr Wong encouraged me to become a volunteer for the
support group. He suggested
that I should research other mental health organizations such as
Castle Peak Hospital in Hong Kong, so I did some research about that
and brought back lots
of material translated from English to Chinese. I hope this material
will help the Chinese immigrants here who can’t speak English,
and who do not understand the process of rehabilitation and recovery.
The support group is call “ Bo
Ai She”---- “The Mental Health Consumer Recovery Support
Group”.
Being a Helper
In order to improve my skills as a volunteer, I also worked
as a voluntary worker in one of the major mental health hospitals
in Hong
Kong. With
the help of a
few other volunteers, I was placed in an intensive care special
unit to meet people with mental health illness. In this 3
months placement,
we
sang songs,
played games, and celebrated the Chinese festivals with the consumers.
I also talked with the consumers, I am sure that now I have a better
understanding of
their needs and feelings! I realised that we have similar feelings
and needs.
During my time as a voluntary worker in Hong
Kong, I discovered that we really need to have different types
of “Heart” to
work with people with mental illness:
1. A Loving Heart
2. An Bearing Heart
3. An Unambitious Heart
Through helping other patients, I had learnt
how to positively deal with my own problems, how to take good
care of myself and
how to
treasure everything around
me.
To be honest, without having this illness,
I might not have been so closed and been so open to my family.
Thank God!
We can’t
look down upon people with mental health illnesses, we need to
supervise and guide them to see doctors and specialists.
Helpers and the
family
must accept that a person is sick just as the person has a physical
illness, tell the person that you care about him/her and also support
him/her. In
that case, I know and I believe that the consumers will recover
very soon.
Conclusion
Some superstitious Chinese believe that mental illness is a
punishment from the gods, that’s why there is “shame” associated
with mental illness, but this is wrong. It is very important
that people understand that
they must
not reject a family member or their loved one who is mentally
ill. Speaking from my experience, being mentally ill can
make someone feel helpless and
rejected but the support from the family and community can give
us a sense of empowerment,
control over our own lives, and raise our hope. By sharing our
experiences in
support groups we can give reassurance and knowledge to each
other to deal with the frightening ailments.
My husband is
still living with me. Since his return to the family,
he has made big changes and has been very supportive. Now our
marriage is
much stronger.
He and my daughter looked after me when I was unwell. Both
my daughter and my
husband support the voluntary work I do for the recovery group.
Today, I feel warm, happy, and safe, and I am glad to be alive
and am able
to talk
to you all.
I am a witness and a survivor of Depression.
Most importantly, I am very happy on where I am now.
Thank You!!!
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